Story, about to be told, is not some random fact... but whole truth.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
August 21, 1927; 8:05 AM, apartment of department store manager G.I. Gorbushkin
- Oh, dear, oh-oh-oh! - What’s up?
- What is going on?! - Your whining makes me sick!
- Well? - Oh well!...
They give you 10 years for embezzlement!
And what has this to do with you? Why are you wooping?
But... but did I say it had something to do with me?
I am just saying! For embezzlement... Ha... 10 years!
Do you embezzle? Just think about it:
once a year you bring poor products and you can’t read the papers!
- He’s dreaming jail! - Ha, some fool!...
Other managers keep bringing, bringing... Nowhere to put the stuff!
Don’t I keep bringing? Do I, in your opinion, just keep sniffing roses?
You do.
And what is this? And this?
And here? What is here?
What are you wearing? Eh, some fool!
Ten years for embezzlement!
Don’t be afraid, people! Which one of you is citizen Gorbushkin?
Him. He is Gorbushkin.
Be so kind and come with me. Get ready.
-What for? -Investigator knows what for. - Ah... investigator.
Get ready.
Make haste.
Will you let me bid farewell?!
Well, it’s time, it’s time.
I am ready, take me there.
Farewell, Anna!
9:15 AM New Linden square
It’s long since I’ve understood where death hides.
Nobody drowns in beer, all of them drown in water.
Rivers, seas, channels. How much evil they do!
Beer doesn’t ruin people, water ruins people!
Beer doesn’t ruin people, water ruins people.
In our job, let’s say, my friend, I just once watered down beer.
And, with a wry smile, he shouted at day of trial:
Beer doesn’t ruin people, water ruins people!
If you’re mentally hurt, if you’re in trouble
you don’t go to bath; You come here.
Here you take a happy breath, clear your throat happily, and say: Ye-es!
Beer doesn’t ruin people, water ruins people.
- Oh, who is this?! - What are you afraid of, Marya Vasilyevna?
Don’t you recognize your neighbour?
Vitaliy Borisovich!
- Where have you gotten up to? - Oh, just to see what’s going on.
Yes. When such things happen you will crawl up. I see your husband escorted…
I think I should come in and calm down the lady…
- There haven’t been any search yet? - No, there hasn’t. - There will be one!
- Really? -Sure. Do you remember Schukin, who stole?
- Search and total confiscation of property! - Oh, total?!
The most total!
- So there is something to worry about. - Yes, really.
- Brother, oh… - What’s up? Who is this?
- A neighbour. - Came to calm down the lady.
Why was Gorbuskin taken? On what basis, just talk fast!
- I don’t know myself. - Well, drop your joking... she doesn’t know.
- What things did he have? Well? - Sure, he had.
That’s bad. We must think of something fast.
- I understand total confiscation of property may take place. -What?
- Total confiscation of property! - Well, I say we must act in full gear.
- Sell all property right away! - All property really?
- I suppose you should sell every single item. - Provisions, for example, I could buy.
Provisions are not for sale. I take them.
- Then, maybe, textiles? - Nyusha, show him coat and costumes.
- They fill fit him fine. - Alright.
I will look around neighbourhood. Sell all property and fast.
Well, let’s get right to costumes.
9:30AM Near procurator's office.
- Citizen Gorbushkin! - Oh, Lord...
- Citizen Gorbushkin has been brought. - Good day! -Have a seat.
- Could I? One sip. - Be my guest.
Just a moment.
- Anna, did this hobo pay? - I did. Don’t worry.
Paid, paid... phew!
Give the money here. Why should you hold it in hand?
- Oh, nothing, I’d hold it. -Complete swiftness is needed, Nyusha. Well, then...
The one-eyed will take all furniture now. That which... and this...
Pictures... A man will take animals. This here hobo has already taken clothes.
And I will take something.
I won’t desert you. As much as I can.
- I will help... Damn!... It’s nothing. - Thank you, brother!
- You’re welcome. - What is this? Belongings disappearing right before my eyes.
You, sister, may not grasp it. Man has fallen for case this grave...
Not a minute can be lost!
Well, they can come but you have nothing. Wife in total poverty!
Sitting on plain bed. In a shirt!
- How are you dressed?! - What?
How are you dressed?! Oh, Lord!
Slip into dark dress, just fast.
- It looks poorer. - Oh, well...
- Thirty, thirty fife, for... - Eh, take it all!
- But the dog? - Take it, just fast!
Ah, ah, well...
10:01AM Investigator's office
Citizen Gorbushin, we have summoned you in connection with case of certain Schukin...
To be a witness.
Oh! A witness!
What can you, as a witness, testify in this case?
As a witness I can testify in this case. Everything!
- Very well. Do you know Schukin for a long time? - Schukin? -Yes.
- I don’t know any Schukin at all. -Oh, so? What can you then testify in this case?
Everything! Anything you like!
Citizen Gorbushkin, for giving false testimony, by the way,
...one can get up to 3 years of imprisonment! - Ha, up to 3? -Yes. Up to 3.
What is this?! This is not the highest limit...
Well, highest limit, speaking between us, I tolerate with diffictuly. May I?
- Here’s the goods. - What paintbrush made it?
- What? -I am, pardon me, saying: who painted it?
One moment...
Listen, buyers ask about some kind of paintbrushes. Just fast, fast!
What paintbrushes? I don’t have any paintbrushes.
Unfortunately, widow doesn’t have paintbrushes.
That doesn’t matter. We’ll make brushes ourselves.
- Sadly, painting is not signed. - What signatures? Why are you nagging?
Everything is clear without signatures: birch grove, provisions. Are you taking it?
- Just fast! - How much do you ask?
- With grove, a hundred. - Stop kidding me. Twenty. -What?
20 for marvellous birch grove? Birch firewood alone sums up to 40 cubic metres!
What for should I need firewood? We, fortunately, have got central heating.
- How much for this one? -Well, deficiency provisions. You know yourself how much...
- 300. - Stop kidding me!
Two blue chicken and half a kilo of cucumbers for 300 rubles?
Well, madam, I see you don’t understand nothing of fancy food.
These are not ordinary chicken... Well... This is a game!
A game?! Aren’t your prices a game?
- Well, are you taking it or not? - Sit down! You know what?
- My neighbour takes them for geese. Is it clear? - Stop kidding me!
Aren’t you making up things? Where have you seen such prices?
Get out, stubborn head!
- Careful! - It’s nothing.
Where to! Money! Damn! Hand money to the widow.
Lyolik!
Faster! Careful!
- What is happening right before my eyes? - Nothing. Swiftness is of importance here.
You know me, I don’t get panicky.
Everything must be done in blazing speed. Everything must be sold soon.
Let them confiscate afterwards.
I, of course, understand, I can put myself in your place,
I just feel sorry for the property...
I won’t be able to sit or lie down in my own house?
Yes, the house! You paid 10,000 for this house.
We must get rid of this property right away!
Sell at any price. Just fast!
- I’m afraid this suit is a bit too wide for me. -It fits fine.
It fits just fine.
- I feel it’s too wide. - Where is it wide?
It’s even, more likely, tight on you, you can’t even breath with full heart!
- It fits them very well! - Well, you know, something’s not right...
Shoulders are tight... No, it’s too tight! I feel it’s tight.
- You just said it was too wide! -I said wide?! I said it was too tight. Hard to breathe!
Where is it tight? It’s more likely wide!
And wide! Hell knows! By God, wide! I said wide.
You don’t know yourself what you want!
- They don’t know what they want! - Oh, well...
- I will take the cactus as well. As a bonus. - Take it. Just do it fast.
- Put the chair back! The furniture is sold. -Sorry.
This is sold, too. Don’t touch the furniture. Everything around here is sold.
- Just the flat is left. - I’d take it.
I have always been fond of your flat.
- I’d give the first paymen right away. - Let’s go! Alright.
Brother, what is this?! Where will I live?
Damn, that’s right! Where will the widow live?
- I can rent her a space... or a barn. - Let’s go!
Stop, madmen!
It seems like finished. Everything will be taken away now and you can breath freely.
But what if I’m questioned? What would I say?
Tell them there isn’t anything.
Maybe I could tell them I live with my brother?
What? Forget about me, by God!
What degree of relationship? Fifth? Tenth?
Listen, sister, perhaps you should get married? Well? Just soon.
- How come, dear? I am kind of married. - Then everything is fine!
No belongins, and living with a husband!
- Have you got any fool in mind? - What are you saying, brother?
Well, everything must be done right away.
What do you think, would the neighbour marry you?
What is this?
I won’t take clothes. Don’t even speak about it!
Stop threatening, I won’t take it!
Stop whining! Tell me better why do you visit my sister so often?
Perhaps you compromise her? How often that is?
I have visited her only once a month. And to calm down the lady!
To calm down the lady... we know how it is! Liar!
He came once, he... liar! He comes for the third time while I see!
- Compromising! If you like her, just say so! -Who?
- You said you liked my sister! - When did I say I liked her?
- You said it earlier. -I was talking about costumes. Even on the contrary,
...I said I didn’t like. - Stop fooling around!
If you like her take her to be your wife!
Why should we marry? I don’t understand you.
What’s here to understand? Just marry her!
Sure, if they don’t want to, what’s here to talk about?
Who doesn’t want? They do want! They are just shy.
I don’t want to! I don’t want you to be tearing me in half? I have not spoken yet!
Haven’t spoken yet? Well, say then; "I want to get married!" Speak up, I’m not holding you!
- Speak up! -I don’t want to get married! Why should I suddenly get married?
What’s here to argue about, then?
I don’t understand him. She’s such an interesting woman!
If you don’t have any taste then say so and don’t mislead people!
- I’m not misleading, I have got taste! - You’ve got taste?! Stop kidding me!
Such good, interesting woman... and what corpus she has!
Oh well, I see you understand nothing in women!
No, I am competent in these, well, women! I have got taste!
Good, sound pace, others go like camels, whereas this on puts feet smoothly...
- Sure, I like her, I have got taste - Yeah? Sister, approach him now!
What’s going on? I’m confused!
What’s here to argue? You can always get divorced.
- If divorce, then I can get married! - Sure, get married!
Kiss each other! Just fast!
Now, Nyusha, go to registry office and divorce Gorbushkin.
Yes, and find somebody there
to foist kichenware on.
Take care of her!
11:03AM Near procurator's office
I see you are?
Well, alright, I married her, but why did I but the suit then?
You will wear it during your honeymoon!
Wait a minute! I paid for it! Paid.
Yet, if I get married, I should’ve gotten it for free!
- It turns out I bought it from myself? - You bought it first and married afterwards.
Why do you keep nit-picking? -I don’t agree. If I get married, suits belong to me anyhow.
Give my money back or I won’t get married!
Return his money... bite it!
Sister may have divorced already.
Maybe she’s a woman, maybe her ego is wounded?
- And he won’t get married! - I also gave downpayment for the apartment!
Yeah, I... you... according to law...
I'll crush you... grind to dust... I... divorce!
Why do you flare up? Well, I will return you half.
- But I... - That’s all!
Don’t touch my furniture! Don’t touch it! Look, they’re wreching my furniture!
- Why did you sell it? -Why did you waste time? If you had married earlier,
...you’d get the furniture! -How, you told me just now to get married.
And couldn’t you think of it yourself?
Now take responsibility!
- Got divorced? Just fast! - I got divorced, for God’s sake.
- And I sold kitchenware to neighbours. - Why do you sell my kitchenware?
From what will I eat?
What scrimpy groom you have!
We made such great deal but he is still dissatisfied!
- Howling like a owl... - Why should we be satisfied?
- Exactly, let him better give our money back! - Alright, shut up, bastard!
I said I’d return... half... later.
- My head is dizzy. -Why did you get married? You shouldn’t have gotten married.
And head wouldn’t hurt. "Beer doesn’t ruin people, water ruins people..."
11:59AM Hare crossroads
What’s this?
Come closer to bride. Standing like some fool!
Why are you yelling at him? You’ve frightened my groom!
What’s this?
What's going on in my room!
Whether it ended for good or for bad we do not know.
But Gorbushkin was put behind bars only after a week...
Concerning family front, life, dear folks, is so complicated affair
that there is nothing it wouldn’t encompass...
WEIRD AFFAIR
I just don’t get it in my head why must you work on a holiday?!
Understand me, Zinulyenka, we’re launching new object, it’s end of the quarter.
But you’re overworking yourself!
Oh, Zinaida, we’re all working in self-denial.
Thanks, honey!
Will you at least be home for dinner?
Why, Zinulya, I won’t be home until supper.
Koka, take care of yourself!
- Toly, breakfast is getting cold! - I’m coming.
- Mom, I’ve finished. - Good boy!
Barygin-Amurskiy speaking... Hallo...
Hallo, it’s me, I have a surprise for you...
Yegor Ivanovich? Hello, dear, hello.
What Yegor Ivanovich? Don’t you recognize me? It's me...
- Yes, I’m listening, Yegor Ivanovich... - Dad, I’ve finished eating!
What do you want? Speak, just fast, otherwise...
- Breakfast is getting cold. -You’re not free to speak? -Yes, yes.
Yes... the show? Show was great yesterday.
Mine is away until evening. We can meet!
- What, working on a holiday! I’ve fed up with this! -Fed up?
Well, I don’t insist. We can go on without meeting.
No, no, no, Yegor Ivanovich.
I am not refusing, on the contrary... But I will be filing complaints!
- Rehearsal on a holiday! - Oh Lord...
You’re a great conspirator! So today we don’t need to skulk,
rather we can finally meet in normal, intimate atmosphere.
Go straight to my place... and...
and you can finish sewing my dress right here.
- What dress? -By the way, Kapochka, regards from my beloved!
- Why did you return? - Forgot.
Imagine, my came back for his suitcase!
So, I’m waiting.
Can you imagine, rehearsal on a holiday! Trying on!
- Anatoly, you’re simply overworking yourself! - We all are working in self-denial!
- Will you be home at least for dinner? - Why, Tanyusha, don’t wait me before supper!
And in heat and any frost somewhere around here Cupid walks
with sheathful of arrows little Cupid walks.
He know business well, He has got sharp arrows,
And arrows pierce us from all sides.
He amuses himself with people, and we suffer from love.
And he laughs and snickers, this wicked joker Cupid.
Maybe at day, maybe at night he will release his arrow,
And he knows whom will I fall in love with.
He knows business well, He has got sharp arrows,
And arrows pierce us from all sides.
He amuses himself with people, and we suffer from love.
And he laughs and snickers, this wicked joker Cupid.
- Where? - That’s all, pretty face, I sold them.
Oh, you... Ah!
- Anatoly! - Couldn’t he come back?
That’s impossible!
He entertains himself with people...
And we sufffer from love...
And he laughs and snickers, this wicked joker Cupid.
Honey... At last we’re alone for the first time!
Darling, I’ve waited this for so long!
Clock!
Anatoly!
Lord, that’s neighbour behind the wall coughing. He’s got flu.
What’s up with you?
- Do you hear? - I don’t hear anything.
Resound...
Boots!
I can not! I can not! I can not work in such nervy conditions!
Anatoly!
Anatoly, I understand. You’re an artist.
You’re a man with morbid, artistic imagination!
Exactly! But you will feel totally secure at Sofochka’s!
- I don’t know if it’s convenient. - What nonsense! Sofockha’s my best friend
and we have no secrets from each other. Let’s go!
- Come on in! - Well...
- Oh, pardon! - Of you, fish-eye!
Stop!
- We’re in luck because Sofocka isn’t even home! -Very well!
- Who’s this? - This is Sofocka, she’s from ballet
and, by the way, she isn’t uneducated.
And this is her husband. Late husband.
- Honey, finally we’re alone... - How much I waited for this!
Quiet!
- It is the husband! - Late husband? -I wish!
It’s my husband!
He probably saw us on the street and followed us!
If he gets in here, he’ll kill us! You, in any case. I know him!
No... no, no!
Quiet!
Sonechka honey! I got free earlier and came to visit you but to no avail.
I will come by in an hour. Kisses. Your Nikolay.
What does this mean, what do you think?
I think your husband amuses himself with your friend
and has come here for no other reason than to take rest from family life.
How ungrateful! Koka! Just wait!
Calm down!
Ah, Sofochka!
Did anybody come while I wasn’t here?
- Hello. -I’m asking if anybody came while I wasn’t here?
- Anybody! - What’s up?
Well, if you know everything, I’m asking you to leave at once.
- Somebody is about to pay me a visit. - What do you mean by somebody?
- My husband will visit you now! - Well, I must be going...
To leave at such moment... I want to see how this bastard will step
...over threshold of this... - Pardon me, I think unwanted here.
No, no, do stay! Let the husband come and see moral portrait of his wife!
- Farewell, Anatoly! - Goodbye, goodbye!
Dear Sonya... it’s me.
Sonya! Sonyechka!
- This door leads to neighbour’s room. Go in there. -But... -Warm greatings.
What is this? A lady is about to pay me a visit!
But there’s some ugly mug residing in my room!
Pardon... I’m leaving this very minute. I just laid down for a second to rest.
- I didn’t know it was your bed. - This is nonsense!
He, look, puts his feet in my bed! Maybe I don’t allow my acquaintances to put feet in bed!
Oh, here you are, fish-eye!
Be thankful that lady is visiting me, otherwise I would have punched you good!
Come inside, one moment... What?
What does this mean? How should I interpret it?
- I demand explanations! - Stop this hysterics!
I'm free. I have a right to visit my co-worker on my holiday... To have some tea.
- And this is having some tea? - Just tea.
- Do you think I’m and idiot? - Oh you, fish-eye!
Don’t touch my face!
Let it go! Help!
Well, now when we know everything,
Let’s settle it like civilized people: quietly and without scenes.
I propose the following: I marry Nikolay,
Artist marries you, Zinochka, and these two co-workers would make
a wonderful couple, too. This is what we should do.
Hello... I think she has bunch of kids. I won’t be marrying her!
Found some simpleton! I ask you not to offend my wife,
moreover, I don’t intend to let any bypasser marry her!
Phew, I wouldn’t have moved in with him.
Look, what a room he has! Can I live here with my kids?
I wouldn’t let you and the kids to come near this room!
She has such bastard-for-a-husband and still wants to get my room!
I see one lying in my bed already... getting used to it.
Gentlemen, in that case I take Nikolay to be my husband, artist and his wife
stays as it is, but Zinochka takes this fool to be her husband.
As if! I will marry her now! Keep your pockets open!
I see this shabby person for a first time!
- And perhaps she’s a pickpocket. - I ask you not to offend our ladies!
- I consider this to be right decision. - No way,
...I don’t want to move away from my apartment!
We have our own room and a bath. I don’t want to meddle in communal flats.
Because of three stooges all the couples are falling apart! It was so good,
I’d married Nikolay, this one him, and they together.
Such are particular problems which particular families face in particular areas of family front.
So, let's sweep with iron broom of satire all that there is to sweep in particular cases.
Marriage, friends, is a serious business. To marry is not the same than to go to a bath-house.
And Volodyka Zavitushkin, for sure, took a little haste with his marriage.
EVENT AT A WEDDING
- Newlyweds are not here yet. - Let them not show up at all!
Three days they know each other and...
...husband and wife! Congratulations! Hurray! Bis!
- We’re? - What?
Here’s my word of a parent.
- I am against such rash... marriage! - What are you doing?
- You drink vodka without waiting for the guests! -Maybe I drink it for balance?
It may be such marriaged do not satisfy me. Three days they know each other...
- Not three. - How much then? -Four.
You’re drunk! Your nose is blue!
But yours is light blue! Stop, don’t touch it! Don’t touch my self-confidence!
Lo, arrived!
- Is the dress ready? - Where’s your groom?
He’s at hairdressers. He’ll be here soon.
Very good, very modern marriage. Bride comes alone and groom sits at hairdresser’s...
He couldn’t do it earlier. That’s all correct, but I’d prepare a month before!
To sacrament of marriage!
I would, perhaps, go half a year before to hairdressers, to bathhouse...
- Drunk already! Congratulations! - Congratulations...
- Guests! - The dress!
Rude century! Rude morals! There’s no romance!
No chance for a man to lead peaceful life.
Well, I sit in a tram and see a lady in front of me showing herself off. Nice lady.
Neat, winter coat, hat... I looked at her and was stunned. Lord!
I wonder; what ladies go on trams!
She stands in front of me, one hand by the bar. In order not to fall down.
- I tell her, come, sit on my knee. - That’s logical.
No, she says, merci. I see it’s a hard case.
Then I... wait, that's here.
Run, Seryoga!
No, not here, there was no dog here. Mommy was, daddy was, but no dog here. Let’s go.
I see this lady going to exit, she’s approacing exit, I follow her. There we got acquainted
and began seeing each other. We seeing one day, two days, and yesterday I made her a proposal.
- Did she accept it at once? -No, not at once, we settled the papers only today.
Here. That’s right! Right here, I remember.
There were stairs. Here at last.
Is the wedding here?
No, not here. Exactly! Let’s go.
Please, put the coats here. Come on through.
Come on in the rooms.
- Dasha. Dasha! - I’m coming.
- Oh dear! We’re very glad. -Accept our congratulations. -Thank you.
- It’s all so unexpected... all so fast. - Oh, don’t speak.
Ivan Israilevich!
Maybe here? No, no. Maybe here?
- Is groom supposed to be here? - God, that’s the new husband!
Sorry, I didn’t recognize you right away.
- Oh no, they’re the groom, I’m just their pal. - Yes, I am the groom... Me!
Take care of the groom, take him to the guests, have some conversation.
Let’s go.
My pleasure.
Sergey Ivanovich.
- Would you care for a sip? Little one? - Merci. -It never does bad.
Here you go.
- You’ll always have time to meet the guests. -That’s logical!
Yes, gentlemen, there are no romance, nobody allows to have a peaceful drink.
There’s no previous beauty.
Yes, earlier I would have bride wallowing beside my feet!
And earlier the groom... would be ground to dust!
I don’t agree to be ground to dust! By the way, where’s my young wife?
Don’t give a damn about her! Bride is no wolf, it won’t run off to the woods.
Pardon, comrade!
I am astonished. You very much to drink!
Earlier I could freely have one fourth...
Sure, then there was romance, snacks!
- Let me kiss you. - Oh, well!
No, I really like you!
Vova, don’t marry in haste the next time.
Well, if you, fool, got married, let everything be as before, neat and nice.
Don’t nerve me, mom!
Husband will see me without a dress for the first time, but I am as if canary bird!
The dress is very wonderful! Very wonderful!
But such darn catskins were worn in tsar times.
Then put my kerchief on top.
- Well? - Now it’s completely wonderful!
- Now there’s no dress to see! - Oh, Lord... -Exactly!
I inquire where’s my young wife?
- There she is, among guests. - Yes? -Yes, yes.
Please, "Black Horseshoes"!
In night guitar fell out of my hands,
wind suddenly blew and there was not enough love,
There’s just lonely darkenss in bushes
wintery road is empty like soul.
There are just black horseshoes in snow.
Yet they will never bring anybody luck.
You are like dream, song over snow, demons have forbidden you to know horses.
You’re gone forever, but why there is white snow,
black horseshoes in a dream?
There are just black horseshoes in snow.
Yet they will never bring anybody luck!
There are just black horseshoes in snow,
yet they will never bring anybody luck!
What are you doing?
- I’m really panicky! - Go on, I’ll be right there. Come on.
- I don’t recognize my young bride. - How come? What's up with you?
Hell knows! You know, Seryega, I've never seen her without a coat and a hat.
But there’s so many women... you get sure!
Wait, you don’t recognize your bride, do you?
- Darn! -No, I can recognize her but only with a coat on.
It’s the first time something like this happens with me!
Ask daddy to show what is the bride like.
It’s not easy for me to ask such... intimate details.
- That’s logical! - Seryoga, you ask him discreetly.
It looks like he can still talk...
Daddy! There is the groom...
- I am the groom. -He wants to know where his young bride is.
He’s ceased recognizing her in light.
Dad, can you talk?
In that case, be so kind and tell him where their bride is. He's very interested to know.
It’s offensive for me, as a father, to hear that.
I told you, Volodyka, don’t get married so soon!
You see, you can’t even recognize your wife!
Well, they can recognize her, but only together with her coat.
Daddy, we always met on street, so, naturally, now I have a right
to be perplexed without a coat and a hat?
- Here she goes... - Oh, that’s... -Quiet!
- Look, there’s some dog after her... -Really? -Sure.
I was looking for you everywhere!
You look very interesting in this dress.
It fits you so well without a hat, as if you had different face!
- And now I’m not quite myself because of you! - What are you allowing yourself!
Only now, in full electric light
I see how beautiful you are! I’m on fire!
What is this?! Easier with your rakers!
Who are you? Don't raise your voice!
Who are those persons walking around, not allowing to hug?!
- Well, you know... - Go to..
You cad!
- Well, three days! - This is insolence, to hug my wife!
I don’t even allow it myself!
What now? Daddy's just kidding you.
- Well, daddy, merci! - To your health!
- Don’t look, come on. -I’m so sorry it’s not her. I liked this one a lot!
- Now I will get some shit and have to live with it. -Logical!
Volodya, that’s her mommy. Go and ask her where your bride is.
- Is this mommy? I think she’s not. - Sure, she’s mommy. I can tell it by her kerchief.
- No, she’s somewhat young. - Yeah, young, well groomed!
She’s become young. That’s her for sure.
- Allow me... -Why are you going out without seeing guests?
Oh, I came out where it’s quieter, I think I will sit here for a while...
Talk different subjects with mommy. Having much cares, mommy?
Allow me to call you mommy now. To the beginning of kinship.
No, "mommy" is not good. Better call me "kitty"!
Kitty? How come, mommy? I don’t dare to call you kitty.
I respect you, but it’s hard to call you kitty.
Well, then call me siskin, like I was called in childhood.
How come "siskin"? You’ve overtroubled yourself, mommy. Tired, pies, heat!
- Sure, naturally! - Oh, I want you to call me
In some gentle name, like kitty, siskin.
- Goldfish! - Mommy! I can’t call you so, in your age...
What goldfish you are?! Oh, goldfish!
Vladimir, I don’t understand you. I don’t hide my age.
You’re behaving strange! Come on, kiss me!
Mommy, I wanted to ask you one thing. You know, I am very forgetful of people,
un childhood I had night-blindness, my vision is bad at evenings. I almost don’t see you.
Mommy, where are you?
Mommy...
- In short, I wanted to ask you where’s your daughter? -Daughter?
- How do you know? -Pardon, mommy, I don’t quite understand you.
- I’m asking where your daughter is? - She’s not here.
Oh, I’m wandering like a fool through rooms and I see where she is not. But where she is?
- She’s out on country. - Who’s out on country? -She is.
No, mommy, I’m askig where’s daughter, where’s your daughter? Where is the daughter?
Vladimir, I didn’t want to upset you, but, since you know everything, she’s out on country.
- She won’t cost you a thing. - How "out on country"? Whom did I just...
Excuse me, I don’t understand. I’m asking where’s the daughter? Not the other one, but this one?
- What other one? I don’t have second daughter. -Oh, hell!
Yes, I was really in a situation, but then circumstances turned...
- So, anyway, you must understand me, when... - Mommy, you’re scaring me. I am not talking
about the one who is out on country and not about the one who was not, but about the one there.
- No, she was never there. - Lord!
Oh, there? No, that was a boy, a son!
- Son? -He’s at granny’s now. Boy will also cost you nothing.
Boy!...
Mommy! Kitty. Siskin. Goldfish!
- Calm down. -Don’t be jealous. Forget it.
I’ve already forgotten. Mommy, where is the daughter.
What is she like? Show me her, that’s all.
- Go on to your business, lie down, take a rest. - Well, if you insist, I can
..show her picture. -No, why her picture. Show her to me in person.
...in full stature. -No, she’s very small, nice and turned yellow.
- What? Is daughter sick? - No, daughter is alright!
Well, I am gonna show you now.
- Well, found out? - Mommy is not well!
- Go on, I will be there right away. - I don’t understand why is she held among healthy people.
Without warning. She can stab somebody whith a fork at the table!
And I didn’t find out about the bride...
Don’t worry. They will sort out at the table whom to sit beside groom.
If only I could manage it to the table! I don’t like scandals!
Don’t give a damn about them. In worst case we can just go away.
- Where is the young wife? - How long can it be?
Mommy said she would bring her right away.
She’s gotten somewhat yellowish or what. Probably, powdering her nose.
Imagine what bastards! He’s barely had time to arrive here, but he’s already been told about my children!
- About all of them? -Let’s assume that not about all of them, nevertheless that’s no fun.
? There she is.
- Please, everybody come to table! - Wait, Katerina is not here!
- Oh, young wife’s here. - Young wife!
Excuse me! We were waiting for you.
Impossible!
What’s is this? This redhaired is my bride?
- It can’t be! - What can’t be? If mother brought her,
so that is it.
- Good one. - Vladimir, come here... there she is.
How wonderful! That’s deceit, fraud!
Mine was more interesting. What are you foisting upon me?
- Calm down, calm down! - This is not the one!
Don’t make scenes, young man! It’s shameful to kick up a row for small matters!
What small matters? This is a fraud!
- I haven’t had so much drink not to notice! - For God’s sake, stop shouting! -Mommy...
- It’s bitter... - Bitter? Bitter!
Bitter, bitter, bitter!
- I really don’t know what to do. - Come on!
Vladimir!
- He’s crazy! -Look, comrades, how he harasses everybody! -Shoud’ve drunk less!
- Indulges in other woman while wife is around! -Vampire! Sexual maniac!
I don’t like scandals. We’ll talk later.
- Vladimir... - Go away, mommy. I’ve no time for you!
Take this hysteric away from me!
- Mommy, what’s going on? - What is this nonsense, young man?!
You’re driving away your bride?
Volodyka...
Here’s your bride! And this is her mom!
Stop kidding me. Take this psycopath away, otherwise I won’t be marrying.
Ah, this is my bride?
Mommy with boy and three girls? Even better! No way!
- Ah, so! That will cost you dearly. Get out! -What’s up with you?
Hold them!
Seryega, ours are being beaten!
Don’t give in to small time bourgeois! Hold on ‘till I’m back!
- I agree! You persuaded me! - He agrees!
Let the young husband go.
He agrees, he agrees!
Vova agrees.
Place for the groom.
Vladimir!
- Everything so neat and well... as it was before. -Bitter!
Next day Volodyka Zavitushkin went to registry office after work and got divorced.
That's all there is to tell. But you say:
IT CAN'T BE
What you have seen is not an anecdote and for sure not a fiction, contrarywise!
Since life is complicated matter it can surprise and even impossible can be possible!
You can say us: Why to ruminate?
What is impossble is never possible.
Sorry, life is complicated matter
and even all the impossible is possible!